Jumping straight into making friends can feel really overwhelming when you experience social anxiety. Instead, start small to ease into it. You can set your own goals and go at your own pace. For example, a great tip is to start by just observing. Getting more acquainted with social environments by simply observing how others interact can offer a sense of familiarity that can reduce your anxiety. You could also start by making eye contact with a stranger or smiling at the person beside you in your lecture. Start with small, manageable steps that feel achievable, and then you can gradually work your way up to bigger goals as your confidence builds.

It’s natural to want to avoid the things that frighten you, but avoiding social situations can make anxiety worse in the long run. People with social anxiety often avoid social interaction, but still report better mood when with others than when alone [6]. The more you expose yourself to social situations, the more comfortable you will become in navigating them. This can be very overwhelming and daunting, but you don’t have to dive straight into a room of people. One interesting technique is called systematic desensitisation, or sometimes the ‘ladder technique’, ‘hierarchy technique’, or ‘graded exposure’. It involves gradually working towards an ultimate goal in a controlled manner. Create a list of social goals and put them in order from easiest (at the bottom of the ladder) to hardest (at the top), and address them step by step. For example, you might start by observing social situations a few times, then move on to smiling at a classmate, eventually striking up a conversation or attending a social gathering. It’s best to ensure you are comfortable with each step before moving on to the next, and a little prep can go a long way.

Socialising with new people can be nerve-wracking. What should I do? What should I say? What do I even talk about? It might help to visit and get familiar with a social environment beforehand and to think about some potential topics of conversation or conversation starters. Balance is key because over-preparing can actually lead to more stress. Instead, focus on practical things like honing your small talk. Not every encounter will lead to a new friend, and that's okay! Each interaction is a chance to practice smiling, chatting, and managing the anxiety that comes with socialising to allow your true self to shine through.

You've probably heard it a million times, but "be yourself" is good advice. When meeting new people, worrying about first impressions and wanting others to like you is normal. However, changing yourself to fit in only works short-term. Being your authentic self makes it easier to make meaningful and deeper connections. Share your own thoughts and perspectives, not what you think others want to hear. Don't change who you are just to appeal to others. If you don't connect with someone, that's okay! You won't become friends with everyone you meet, and that's perfectly normal. Your true friends will accept your beliefs and values and maybe share your hobbies and interests, too.

We all need a little more fun in our lives. Make a conscious effort to stay informed about events that align with your hobbies and interests. You could even join a university society or organisation that excites you. Shared interests make it easier to break the ice and form friendships with like-minded individuals. You'll get to find and do things that you love while connecting with others. Feeling nervous is normal, but remember, everyone else probably feels the same way too! Not only is doing something fun a great way to meet people and make friends, but even if that doesn't happen or doesn't happen straight away, it's still beneficial for your well-being as it can kick-start a positive cycle.

Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours all influence one another. For example, a thought like ‘What if I say something stupid?’ can make us feel self-conscious or embarrassed and cause us to keep quiet in a group discussion. Positive behaviours are a great way to break a negative cycle of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and kick-start a positive one. These could involve achieving a small goal or doing something fun, as previously discussed, taking a walk, doing some exercise, trying out meditation or yoga, spending time in nature or face-timing a loved one. As well as via behaviours, we can also interrupt a negative cycle by challenging unhelpful thoughts.

It can help to identify the specific thoughts that pop up when you feel anxious. This can be tricky because they are sometimes so automatic that they can become almost unconscious. This is why they are referred to as ‘negative automatic thoughts’. It can help to make an effort to self-reflect and even keep a thought diary or record: what were you thinking about around the time you started to feel anxious? What thoughts come up in anxiety-inducing situations? Is it that you haven’t needed to make new friends for a long time because your environment was the same (you don’t think you have the skills anymore). Is it that you feel like you will do something wrong and people will judge you for it? Be critical about what negative thoughts tell you. For example, say you wanted to contribute to a lecture or thought you might bump into someone at the grocery store unexpectedly and thought, “What if I say the wrong thing and they hate me?”. Ask yourself – where is the evidence, and is there a more likely or realistic alternative? Would you hate someone who was in your shoes and said the “wrong thing”, or would you let it slide and forget about it? This might lead you to raise your hand or go and ask, “How are you?” to a classmate in Tesco. You realise that you can do the daunting thing, even if it’s still a bit scary at the time, and this gives you feedback to try something else.

It’s a fact of life that we all slip up at times. We make mistakes, say things we regret, and do things we wish we’d done differently. But, we sometimes hold ourselves to impossibly high standards, believing that we should always be perfect and not showing ourselves the compassion and understanding we would show others. If something goes wrong, it can help reframe the experience by pretending that a friend had come to you with the same problem. What would you say to them? We sometimes say things to ourselves in our own heads that we would never say to a friend because we hold ourselves to much higher standards than we hold others. It can also help to observe others making mistakes or slipping up (it happens all the time!) and notice the consequences. For example, your lecturer will likely stutter, have to correct themselves or trip over their words several times during a lecture. Nothing terrible happens; they continue speaking, and nobody bats an eye. These things are prevalent and a normal part of speech; it seems obvious and terrible when we do it ourselves, yet we barely notice when others do it.

Remember to be kind to yourself and take it steady. There’s no need to push yourself past breaking point. But, if you do find yourself in a stressful situation, it can help to have something up your sleeve. Deep breathing can help to ground you when you’re feeling anxious or if you start to feel panicky. There are different deep breathing methods that you can try. Box breathing involves inhaling for 4 counts, holding that breath for 4 counts, exhaling for 4 counts, and holding that for 4 counts. Repeat until you feel calmer. Or you could try the physiological sigh: Inhale deeply, followed by another sudden and short inhalation. Then, exhale completely.

Sometimes, self-care tips seem so obvious that they aren’t worth considering. You might even be tempted to skip this section! We all know the importance of adequate sleep, regular exercise, a nourishing diet, and plenty of water. But there are two reasons to keep reading… One is that knowing the importance of something and actually doing it are quite different things. Next time you feel off, ask yourself: how well did I sleep last night? How long have I been working without taking a break? When was the last time I ate or drank? Have I been outside for some fresh air recently? You might surprise yourself. Secondly, self-care is not just about the super obvious stuff. Part of taking care of yourself is learning to rest effectively, have fun, prioritise your well-being, find joy in the day-to-day, and find meaningful ways to (re)connect to the self, others, and the natural world.

Even if things don't go entirely according to plan, it's really important to celebrate and be compassionate to yourself, just as you would to a friend. Stepping out of your comfort zone is a significant achievement, regardless of the outcome. You're doing something new; well done.